RIP MJ so sad. heard the news in the cab. had just given 12 fat vials of blood after fasting. woozy and disoriented i watched the city roll by. separated by a dirty window and a pharmaceutically-induced blurry mind. each unexpected bump a new agony. all those lucky people on bicycles with such opportunity to do anything, go anywhere, and on and on as my usual post-doctor visit case of poor me's goes and then suddenly we three (me, cd, and mister cabdriver) heard something in the burbled background chatter of the radio and immediately, all minds now three, we rushed to request but already had turned up the sound and then looked at each other in shock and disbelief (he watching us and we watching him and no one watching the road while hurtling forward through space and time unprotected) and said did you hear that too? i was hit by how hit by it i was. incredible. unthinkable. and sad. what came next was nothing short of a global outpouring of grief and celebration. media everywhere of every kind expressing every detail, every thought. people sobbing and dancing in the streets. from city to city, the same response. global. the "real" news overcame by celebrity shock and speculation. and then bizarre response the world over. liza manelli, brando's son, al sharpton, usher in tears on larry king. the news keeps coming and it's sad and lonely and misunderstood. they keep saying prescription meds this and that, but what about the agony of living with Lupus and how it typically kills you in your 40s and 50s? i know far too much about that disease and pray i'll never have it. i have two similar autoimmune diseases - "autoimmune" illnesses are caused by a dysfunctional immune system that attacks your body's healthy tissues, bone, brain, whatever... where/what it attacks is what classifies what disease when really it's more fitting to think of the actual diseases as symptoms of this disordered state. one which leaves you at high risk to acquire others which is why many autoimmune disorder sufferers struggle with more than one disease. among other painful and difficult symptoms, Lupus attacks your organs resulting in their eventual failure - usually the heart or lungs cease functioning causing death. none of the media seems to mention that MJ had both Lupus and also Vertiglio (an autoimmune disorder that attacks the skin, whitening it in patches and probably the cause of his dramatic skin colour change over time). i hope there's freedom in death. i hope there's peace. i hope the weariness of a lonely life leaves and one's left with the innocence and delight of a child who doesn't yet know anything of hurt or fear or pain. i hope there's some experience of peacefulness, of some kind of powerful understanding of a universal uniting love, some reassuring sense of recompense after everything's finally said and done. i hope.

As He Came Into The Window It Was The Sound Of A Crescendo He Came Into Her Apartment He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet She Ran Underneath The Table He Could See She Was Unable So She Ran Into The Bedroom She Was Struck Down, It Was Her Doom

Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You OK Are You OK, Annie Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You OK Are You OK, Annie Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You OK? Are You OK, Annie? Annie Are You OK? So, Annie Are You Ok, Are You Ok, Annie?

Annie Are You OK? Will You Tell Us That You're OK? There's A Sign In The Window That He Struck You - A Crescendo Annie! He Came Into Your Apartment He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet Then You Ran Into The Bedroom You Were Struck Down It Was Your Doom

So They Came Into The Outway It Was Sunday - What A Black Day Mouth To Mouth Resus - Citation Sounding Heartbeats - Intimidations